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This week has been a difficult one. I have pondered why.. Many reminders of Larson. Many babies who are Larsons age. Many moms cradling their precious gift. Many strollers. Many cries. As I see and hear all these babies that are so close to Larsons age, it just reminds me of what he would be doing. I am seeing my son grow up through other peoples children. It is difficult. I rejoice for those who have the opportunity to love on their baby here on this earth, while I mourn the fact that I don't. I still take comfort in knowing that Gods plan was not a mistake. I have to remind myself often that this was Gods perfect plan for Larson and my family, but the pain is still real. Death still stings, especially when you are reminded by things going on around you what you no longer have. I feel peoples uneasyness around me. I promise that if I cry, you did not do anything wrong. I DO like talking about Larson, but the reality is.. I will cry. For how long? I don't know, but you asking does not cause me anymore pain then I already feel. Larson is my son. We all enjoy talking about our children. Just because he is not with us does not mean I don't want to talk about him or that I have forgotten about him. This season of time has brought SO many questions, the ultimate question is...Do I still believe in God and is He still in control? With confidence I can say YES. God DOES NOT promise that this life will be without heartache..
BUT, He does promise that with faith in Jesus we will spend an eternity in a place far better then this..
Revelation 22:1-5
And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the thron of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. aNd there shall be NO MORE CURSE, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever. Heaven is so much more real to me. Larson is there, and I get to spend eternity with him.
5 comments:
Corie,
I have missed you terribly this week. Are we identical twins, because we are always feeling the same thing at the same time. When will the tears cease? Probably not until we are with our babies again. But, we do have hope. And I am determined to put my hope in Christ with each breath that I take.
Love you and miss you..
Corie and family,
I wanted to say HI and tell you that your family is in my thoughts and prayers, and have been ever since the day you found out about Larson's condition on your ultrasound.
Your sister Jodi is a dear friend of mine and I remember the day she learned about what was happening and she wept for your family and her unborn nephew. I am Jodi's Taekwondo instructor (Mrs. S.), I met you a few years ago at her birthday party.
Your blog is a beautiful tribute to Larson and your faith in God during this heart wrenching time is amazing. I lost 2 babies to miscarriage many years ago, and it really strengthend my faith and gave me eternal hope. I look forward to the day that I will get to meet my precious babies in heaven.
Last year my daughter had a very difficult pregnancy and developed Preeclampsia and almost lost her son. I am part of the Preeclampsia Foundation Forum and I shared your story with the ladies on the Grief & Loss part of the PE forum who have lost their babies due to PE. Your blog is so amazing and has touched many of them who are walking in your shoes right now. Thank you for being so open and honest about what your family is going through. I know that God in His sweet mercy, is working amazing things through your family. Larson was a precious gift from above and he has touched many lives.
I will continue to keep praying for peace, comfort & strength for your family.
Blessings & big hugs to all of you,
Lynne
Corie, thank you so much for sharing your blog with me today. I will keep all of you in my prayers! God bless you and your whole family!
Mary Willis
I will never forget and so long for the day all of our families are together...with Larson, Pearl and Sophie showing us around! Hugs...
We continue to pray for you and Steve and the children. Larson is with the Lord, complete! You take all the time you need to, to find all the pieces, to put it all together again. "God is our refuge and strength, a VERY PRESENT help in time of trouble" We love you all.
The Conwell family
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