O'Brien Family: Re-do???

Please Be Gentle By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely oneand the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soulas I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?

Remembering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~

Monday, August 3, 2009

Re-do???

For some reason I have really been aching for my sweet baby. More time...If only we could have a re-do! I really would be willing to go back...just for my 9 months and 23 hours with that precious gift! It hurt so bad...but was so worth it. The sting doesn't stay as long these day...but it still comes. I think I am more acquainted with the ache. It has become a part of who I am. Just as a scare becomes part of your skin. Its as though I just don't notice the ache until it becomes more intense or something triggers the wounds to open. It eventually closes up...but the subtle ache remains. But who could ever fully get over this....?

He was worth all the pain...all the tears and all the SMILES! If only we could do a re-do!!!

8 comments:

Sara said...: Oh Corie, I am missing Larson with you today. I was just thinking I needed to ask you what grief looks like at around 19 months... I so relate to the ever present ache. Praying for you Corie.
Sara; August 3, 2009 at 7:12 PM
Danielle said...: I know how you feel! Really, I do. I keep thinking about all the things "I wish I had done", or "I would had done differently" during the time I got with my sweet little boy... Even if I had gotten more than the two minutes we got with Wyatt while he was here, I still would have wished for more... days, minutes, hours, seconds... they just aren't enough to create the lifetime we had planned for our sons. Praying for you.; August 3, 2009 at 10:44 PM
Tamara said...: Oh Corie, I too wish with all my heart for a re-do for you and Steve. I have no words, but please know I am loving you, hugging you and praying for you sweet friend.; August 4, 2009 at 6:42 AM
Linda said...: I still say the same thing - I would do it all over again just to hold him for those few hours. Blessings during your days of renewed struggle.; August 4, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Kelly said...: Oh what an awesome picture!!

Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us today - those of us who have walked a similar journey know exactly what you are talking about. It is like a scar - some days it hurts more than others, but no matter what - it's always there.

Praying you feel Gods great love for you today. You are such a wonderful, amazing mommy - you inspire so many - including me!!

God bless you!

Kelly; August 4, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Inanna said...: Yes. It was one of the first things I thought - I want a do-over!! No backsies on this one, unfortunately. I wish :(; August 4, 2009 at 4:13 PM
The Beidle Family said...: Ohh...this picture. Sooo precious. I love that you are so real...so true to yourself. I know God is carrying you. I know you miss your sweet baby....you held him tight and then had to let him go....and now you are left with his sweet face in pictures and the soft blanket you had him wrapped in.....Corie, I know this must be so hard....you are doing this well....I know you tell me there are easier days and harder days...Hold on to those 23 hours...just like you have held on to the many years with your other children. You did not get as much time with Larson as you are getting with your other babies...but that does not mean you should be over or forget about the time you did get. I love that you shed sweet tears missing that precious baby. I know you rejoice knowing he is face to face with our creator.

I will continue to pray that you are comforted by Him who strengthen you!!!

Love you.; August 4, 2009 at 11:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Awww, what a sweet post Corie. My heart goes out to you. A re-do would be wonderful, indeed. Love you friend.

Angela; August 7, 2009 at 8:34 PM