Saturday, April 17, 2010

Healing has begun

Well...I've realized its been more then a month since I've posted and thought I would do a quick update for those who may wonder :) and for those who have faithfully prayed.

I'm feeling really well. PRAISE GOD!! I can't tell you that I had expectations before going into the surgery. I didn't have complete hope of the surgery even working. I tried so many things over the course of the last 14 months that I felt would work. Each "therapy" or treatment I tried, I faithfully prayed about and talked with my husband about before moving forward. And each treatment failed. Acupuncture, Chiropractic care, physical therapy, cortisone shots and decompression therapy. After all this, my pre surgery MRI was the same as it was when I originally did one 10 months before!! Yikes!!

I have realized over the course of the last couple years that God can use Eastern Medicine, Western Medicine or NO medicine to heal or not to heal me. OK..maybe I'm a slow learner or slow trust er, who knows! But I knew this pain could have become my thorn. As much as I didn't want that, I knew God was the creator of my story and that only HE has the answer. I didn't google before the surgery and I decided to go in with blind faith...I'll deal with whatever it is afterward!!

Well I can say for now...almost 4 1/2 weeks after surgery...that my pain in my legs is gone and I am healing well from the surgery itself. I had some surgery pain for sure. It was a little hairy the first couple weeks. I am still limited to no bending, twisting and lifting only 15 pounds or less. No housecleaning or laundry for now! Bummer I know :) So for know, I am resting in this "new" life of not walking around in constant physical pain. It really changed me and my life for the last year. Less patience and LOTS of emotion. I have realized now...JUST HOW MUCH PAIN I WAS IN! Amazing how your body adapts to a certain extent to your circumstances. My body was tense and I just learned to deal (sort of! ) with it.

I do have compassion on those who are living with a debilitating condition. You can look great and pulled together on the outside, but be falling apart on the inside. I've tried my hardest this last year to keep it together, but often I just wanted to cry all the time. Simply tasks were so difficult. I couldn't do anything without pain. was with me ALL the time.

After 14 months of chronic pain, my body is learning how to relax again. It was always in protect mode. Really I'm trying to figure out how to do things again. I was so used to having things be so much work that I'm getting used to not having to. I really find myself with more time on my hand then before, because it doesn't take me as long to do things. Grocery shopping, cooking..etc. was hard.

This last few years have been difficult. I won't lie..I had hoped things looked different. After losing Larson, my heart has ached for him. I ached for my children to have another sibling. Not as a replacement but for them to be able to experience new life! To also tangibly see God give. They already saw Him take away. But my Father in Heaven has had other plans for me and my family. While it may not be the desires of my own heart, I have continued to be at His feet praying that He would give me the desires of HIS heart. This has defiantly been a long season of prayer and questions. But as Father has been there.

God has written my story perfectly...yet differently then I had hoped. So my prayer has continued to be that I would rest knowing that He does not make mistakes. While I wanted a different gift...He has found the pain He has given to me to be the most perfect gift of all. This season has caused me to... long more for a relationship with my Saviour, pray more often and ask for direction and answers, being more comfortable with others who are hurting, enjoy the children I have with me, and also more of a longing for eternity and the return of Jesus. And although I feel all these things, I know...I have MUCH more to learn. Yikes!

God is so good.

I really am SO GRATEFUL that God would allow this surgery to be successful up to this point. I am also well aware that this may not stay this way but for now I am trying to rest in this and enjoy my life the way the Lord would have me too. And to be content in all He has for me.

Thank you all for your prayers.