Thursday, April 3, 2008


I know that it takes time for me to process everything that has gone on in the last 6months. Sometimes I even feel like this really did not happen. It just seems to surreal. Lately though, I have been wondering...when do I have the time to process everything. I have four children who need me every moment of the day. They are not waiting for me to process things. I have to keep going while trying to figure this out. It is as if the treadmil keeps going and there is no slowing down, even though at times I feel so out of breathe. I would like to come to a screeching halt sometimes and just try to think of how I am to do things. That just isn't possible. Larsons death did not just affect Steve and I. There are 4 little ones who are still missing him, praying for him and asking questions. So while I am hurting deeply, I have to keep moving. I know God has determined the time for this season (Ecclesiaates) and therefore I trust that He will and is walking this path with me.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I know my heart will not heal completly this side of heaven. To be honest I don't want it to. Larson took a piece of my heart with him and so my longing for heaven is so much more real. I never want that longing to go away. I DO want God to be glorified in Larsons life.


The Beidle Family said...

Thanks for being so real. Thanks for sharing your true spirit. This pain will never go away, it is just trying to rest in the peace that only God can give.
We love you all.
Auntie Jen and Uncle Tom

Laura said...

He is being glorified are so brave! Praying for time...all that you need! I love you friend!