Monday, August 3, 2009


For some reason I have really been aching for my sweet baby. More time...If only we could have a re-do! I really would be willing to go back...just for my 9 months and 23 hours with that precious gift! It hurt so bad...but was so worth it. The sting doesn't stay as long these day...but it still comes. I think I am more acquainted with the ache. It has become a part of who I am. Just as a scare becomes part of your skin. Its as though I just don't notice the ache until it becomes more intense or something triggers the wounds to open. It eventually closes up...but the subtle ache remains. But who could ever fully get over this....?

He was worth all the pain...all the tears and all the SMILES! If only we could do a re-do!!!


Sara said...

Oh Corie, I am missing Larson with you today. I was just thinking I needed to ask you what grief looks like at around 19 months... I so relate to the ever present ache. Praying for you Corie.

Danielle said...

I know how you feel! Really, I do. I keep thinking about all the things "I wish I had done", or "I would had done differently" during the time I got with my sweet little boy... Even if I had gotten more than the two minutes we got with Wyatt while he was here, I still would have wished for more... days, minutes, hours, seconds... they just aren't enough to create the lifetime we had planned for our sons. Praying for you.

Tamara said...

Oh Corie, I too wish with all my heart for a re-do for you and Steve. I have no words, but please know I am loving you, hugging you and praying for you sweet friend.

Linda said...

I still say the same thing - I would do it all over again just to hold him for those few hours. Blessings during your days of renewed struggle.

Kelly said...

Oh what an awesome picture!!

Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us today - those of us who have walked a similar journey know exactly what you are talking about. It is like a scar - some days it hurts more than others, but no matter what - it's always there.

Praying you feel Gods great love for you today. You are such a wonderful, amazing mommy - you inspire so many - including me!!

God bless you!


Inanna said...

Yes. It was one of the first things I thought - I want a do-over!! No backsies on this one, unfortunately. I wish :(

The Beidle Family said...

Ohh...this picture. Sooo precious. I love that you are so true to yourself. I know God is carrying you. I know you miss your sweet held him tight and then had to let him go....and now you are left with his sweet face in pictures and the soft blanket you had him wrapped in.....Corie, I know this must be so are doing this well....I know you tell me there are easier days and harder days...Hold on to those 23 hours...just like you have held on to the many years with your other children. You did not get as much time with Larson as you are getting with your other babies...but that does not mean you should be over or forget about the time you did get. I love that you shed sweet tears missing that precious baby. I know you rejoice knowing he is face to face with our creator.

I will continue to pray that you are comforted by Him who strengthen you!!!

Love you.

Anonymous said...

Awww, what a sweet post Corie. My heart goes out to you. A re-do would be wonderful, indeed. Love you friend.