I am a SAHM with 5 children. My 5th child,Larson, lived for an amazing but short 23 hours. He is now safe in the arms of Jesus enjoying his eternal home. I also have an amazing husband who I have been married to for 10 years!! Praise the Lord.
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim in is a lonely oneand the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soulas I struggle through each day. My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?' At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss. Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence. Honor where I am in my journey,not where you think I should be. Listen patiently to my story,I may need to tell it over and over again. It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead. Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable. A small flame still burns within my heart,and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears. I need your support and understanding.There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I must find my own path. Please, will you walk beside me?
Oh Little Larson
Little Larson Oh Little Larson You died a long time ago. Oh how we miss you. You were cute and little. But you struggled deeply. You tried to fight,But it was to hard. And now you are with the Holy One. In Heaven playing with your mates who suffered too. You are perfect now. Oh how we all long to live with you there. Oh little Larson we miss you.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending he didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that he has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
6 years have come and gone sine we said hello and good-by to our son Larson. This past weekend we CHOSE to go away to celebrate his life. We have done this now for 6 years. Each year we have somewhat agonized over what we should do to celebrate Larson's life. It's somewhat of an awkward time. With his siblings we have the privilege to ask for their suggestions and to be a part of their day. This past week was the first time that I questioned whether or not we need to celebrate by going away for a family vacation over his birthday. I'm not really sure why this has come about. I think I've wondered how long we will do this. But then I think of his siblings...we celebrate them every year. I know many will say...duh, they are alive! I am always grateful to celebrate another year with my children as I know we are not promised even 1 more! While I have 4 children still walking on this earth, I am confident that Larson is very much alive also, but in the most glorious place you can be...HEAVEN! So, do we celebrate him. Well here is what I thought about..
On October 2, 2007 we were told that we had 24 hours to decide if we wanted to "terminate" our pregnancy....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE!!
We were told that our son was "incompatible with life"....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
We were told that my pregnancy was high-risk and as a result we could both die....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
We were told he may die in-utero....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
We were told he may not take a breath....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
We were told that 75% of marriages fall apart after the loss of a child....WE CHOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
So after some thought I have realized....we will still continue to CHOOSE TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE
It may not be with trips or balloon; cakes and themes; birthday cards and gifts. Larson's celebrations are much more authentic because we choose at that time in our life to pause and celebrate what Larson did for our family and those around us. While 23 hours was not enough, he did PLENTY during that time! He for sure taught me more than I would have ever been able to teach him.
As a mother, we celebrate our kids and the gifts they are to us. While I have buried one of mine and gave him back to the Lord, we CHOOSE to celebrate the gift he still gives.
The life of our son continues to remind us of the faithful Father in Heaven who allowed us to be parents to an amazing 5th child. We will CHOOSE TO CELEBRATE HIM!
This blog was created in order to communicate with our family and friends about our journey of grief with our son Larson. Larson was diagnosed on October 2nd, 2007 with HPE alobar. He was born on January 22nd, 2008 and lived for a wonderful 23 hours. I created this blogt to make communicating easier and more efficent following Larsons death. It journals my emotions, hopes, fears and everything in between. Grief is difficult...unpredictable...exhausting and confusing. If you are in a similar situation feel free to email me. I know that the journey can be a bit easier when traveled with a friend who has gone through it also. May Larsons story declare the Lords faithfulness during lifes most trying and darkest times.