Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Death Certificate

Today marks 5 weeks since Larson has gone to be with the Lord. The day was also marked by a phone call from the cemetery to inform me that Larson's DEATH CERTIFICATE was in. I always looked forward to having my children's BIRTH CERTIFICATE sent to me, and could have never imagined that I would be receiving my child's death certificate. I do take comfort in knowing that although Larson is marked as dead here on earth, he is very much alive with Christ. Please pray for strength for our family and especially Gods comfort as we prepare to open our mail. We will be receiving his DEATH CERTIFICATE. I will also be receiving his birth certificate with a stamp on it marked "DECEASED".

The reason I mention this is because I have had many ask what seems to be a simple question..."what can we do?" It seems that this question should be answered so easily, and honestly I wish I could give you a simple answer. You see, this journey that Steve and I are on is in no way simple. There are many twists and turns and many ups and downs. Just when we think we understand how to handle this, we will be blindsided by something new. There is no band-aid (it would have to be big one) and there is no quick remedy. I certeinly would have found it by know. I look at the book of Job and it says he was "blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil." (Job 1:1). Job had so many questions throughtout his trial, and the answers could only come from God. No one could make it better or bring him comfort even though they wanted to.

I have to be honest, I did not see myself handling it this way. I love being around people and usually know just what to say. Right now, I don't have much to say (I know SHOCKING!!) Please don't be afraid to ask how I am doing and don't feel like you need to say something to make it better. A listening ear is very comforting. Sometimes I want to answer that I am OK even though sometimes I don't feel OK. Sometimes I don't want to say anything at all. Not because I am angry, but becuase I don't know what to say or how I am doing. Please don't take this personally. I am so grateful for all the love that each of you has shown to my family. In many ways I am walking this journey with you. As uncomfortable as you am I.

If I could tell you a few things to help someone who is grieving or lost a loved one it would be to give them a hug, tell them you are sorry and even mention the loved one who is gone. Those of us who have lost someone will not forget them, and we hope you won't either. As people we want to "do" something and the most important thing to do is pray. Prayer is often forgone for some type of physical action when it is the best action to take. It is private, personal and as you pray you'll have sovereign results. We had a family tell us that they didn't pray much but when the news of Larson came they prayed constantly. That meant so much to us, they would have done anything for us but knew that we needed prayer more than anything they could do. I wish I could fix what is going on and make it better, but I also know that that is not what God wants or He would have done that already. I take comfort that God is in control and knows exactly the purpose in all of this. Does my heart ache? Yes Do I miss Larson? Yes Do I trust God? YES.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
To everything there is a season,
Atime for every purpose under heaven;
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
Atime to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;

Praise the Lord for determinging these times!!

1 comment:

Laura said...

Your heart is so precious....keep being honest! What a gift you have given so many with your honesty. Loving each of you so much....