Sunday, March 2, 2008

What a difference a day makes!

What a difference a day makes!
I find myself inside amazed at how yesterday can be 70 degrees and today it is blizzarding and 20 degrees. It seems I am reminded that not only can the weather change in 12 hours, but so did my life. I find myself wondering what life was like before October 2nd. I know we were looking forward to having another little one running around. I find myself looking at pictures before we found out what would happen to Larson. My smile is a little different then. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful for what the Lord has given to me. Although the pain is intense. I thought I would share something from my friends Aimees blog (she is the one who had Sophie Ann the same day as Larson),hope you enjoy this. It says what I want to say right now.

I would still be worried about how clean my house is, if the laundry was done, and the unloaded dishwasher; rather than spending my time reading, playing, and singing with my two children.

I would still be worrying about financial matters, retirement, ect, rather than trusting Christ with my life and focusing on my One true provider.

I would still be concerned with what Emma is wearing (is it up to my standards, which includes a matching hairbow), rather than taking the time to teach my little girl that our beauty comes from within, and not how we dress.

I would still be fretting over the fact that the children continually come to our bedroom and wake us up, rather than cherishing the quiet moments when they lay next to me and I can listen to them breathe.

I would still be doing more talking, rather than listening.

I would still be taking for granted my precious husband, rather than seeing how truly blessed I am to have a Godly husband who adores every fiber of my being.

I would still be thinking I am in control of my life, rather than knowing and trusting God's complete sovereignty.

I would still be taking for granted the fact that every child is a miracle, rather than seeing the face of every child and being amazed at how wonderfully they are formed.

I would still be living in my own little happy world unconcerned about unbelievers, rather than having my heart break when I know that others around me don't know Christ.

If I were on the other side of this blog, I would think "she sure has been through a lot" and "I feel so sorry for them" and quietly be so thankful that it wasn't happening to me.

But then...

I wouldn't have been blessed to see the face of my son.
I wouldn't have known such tremendous love and such devastating loss.
I wouldn't have been able to see how the Lord can work through such uncertain times.
I wouldn't have been brought to my knees and my face in prayer.
I wouldn't have had this heart for families that have lost a child.
I wouldn't have known what it meant to truly long for Heaven.
I wouldn't have understood peace that passes all understanding.
I wouldn't have met such amazing people that have strengthened and sustained me.
I wouldn't have been overwhelmingly surrounded by friends and family.
I wouldn't have known the meaning of being united in everything with my husband.
I wouldn't have had such a beautiful way to share about Heaven with Larson.
I wouldn't have witnessed how God can dramatically answer prayer.
I wouldn't have been on the receiving end of such love and service to our family.
I wouldn't have realized how short, yet precious life can be.
I wouldn't have understood what Christ means by trusting Him in all circumstances.
I wouldn't have felt the Lord carry us as we persevere under trial.
I wouldn't have been able to share our testimony of His faithfulness with so many people....

I simply wouldn't have understood how God's plan could be fulfilled through a baby that just lived for 23 hours...I wouldn't have known my sweet Larson. I would still be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend that sought to understand suffering and trials... Now I can be that person, because I do.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will received the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."- James 1:12

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow Cory, that is awesome! To read the thoughts of another that ring with the rememberance of what I felt so strongly during the beggining & middle of our trial is so increidble! God tells us to "remember", "look back" at what He has done for us and in knowing Amiees & your hearts and where you are at now, it takes my breath away as I remember what Christ has done for us!

Thank you for sharing, being open and reminding me to look back at all the Lord has done for us!

I love you so much and am continuing to pray for you all, Tam

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His soverign will.