Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Don't they know???

I wish there was some way to prepare for the passing of your child. There is just no way to do so. I wish I could have time to sit and reflect on what is going on. To just mourn and grieve for my baby, but it doesn't take long (maybe a week) before you are reminded that this is not going to be easy or "normal". Today a person called to talk to me about my "newborn" son Larson. She was from the specialist office and there was a bill she was calling about. Ok I know this lady had no way of knowing that Larson was not here anymore and I know she felt bad. I sure wish there could have been some note some how in my file so neither of us had to feel bad. There are so many things that I could not prepare for while grieving my loss...
-The hospital bills.
-The death certificate to show he is gone.
-Bills for a funeral
-The birth certificate with a stamp on it saying he is gone.
-Letter from the cemetary to tell me when they "clean up stuff".
-Visting my son weekly at his gravesite.
-Getting formula amples in the mail.
-Getting the pamplets to tell you the milestones of"what your child should be doing know"
-Preparing for holidays without Larson.
-Taking down the crib he would have slept in.
-Listening to my children talk about their brother who has died.
These are all harsh realities of death and its finality. I know we will all face it someday. I just never though I would be burying my child! So how am I doing? Each day I meditate on God word and am reminded that is safe. I take comfort in knowing that God is in control. I know that God is my Comforter and knows my every emotion. I miss my son. He would probably be starting to smile at us know, but instead he is with the Lord. I know he doesn't miss us. He is in the best place he could be! But we miss him and will until we are reunited.
If you are reading this...Thank you!
Thank you for listening. Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for trying to understand even if you don't know what to say. Thank you for sticking by us during this difficult time. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being our friends. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!


Anonymous said...

I love you Corie. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Angela Nicole

Anonymous said...

Its been such a blessing to read your blog. Thank you for sharing about Larson, and for sharing your heart so beautifully. I pray for you and think of you more than words can say. I know what it feels like to have someone you love, adore and treasure no longer in your life. The sting is so deep, and yet the blessing of knowing they are with Christ is so comforting! Thank you for allowing us to listen, and to pray. Its a blessing to be able to be your friend. We praise Him for He is good, He is faithful, and He is worthy to be glorified. I love you so much!!!

Carlton and Aimee Weathers said...

I love this post. It's just how I feel. I just rip that stuff up the minute it comes in the mail. Its such a painful reminder of what we don't have. But, we also know we have a little one in heaven who is safe in our Savior's arms. What would do without that assurance? I guess curl up and die.
I love you! I miss you terribly!

Anonymous said...

Corie and family,

What a beautitful site you have created. You have done a great service to those who have lost children and have helped those who haven't been forced to cope with such loss. You have done a wonderful job introducing Larson to the world. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

Heather (Shields)

Anonymous said...

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could take the pain away, maybe I could come and intercept all of your mail so you don't have to deal with the painful reminders - even though you could never forget... Love Always

Sue said...
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Sue said...

I've met you through Aimee Weathers; whom I've only met through the Trisomy 13 website and emails. She is precious and so are you! I'm blessed to know you two in this way. I've been reading your blog from time to time. I am Caleb's grandmother Ah-ma. He was born February 19 but had already gone Home to be with our Lord and Father and those who have gone before. On this day a month ago we held him close and let him see our love, it's depth and its strength... I think the Father let him watch from Home. I'm sure he has met Larson already. Caleb's story is on his Caring Bridge webpages. Our family, within our hearts and minds are AMENing your words and Aimee's as we walk this similar path. In His Amazing Love and Grace... I love you and am praying for you and yours as I pray for us. Sue Shaffield