Thursday, March 20, 2008

Whats behind a smile?

I have to say the last few months have changed not only who I am but also the way I look at things. Lets hope so! It is easy to see someone that you know or don't know and "assume" everything is good because they say they are fine or because they smile. I have realized myself that it is sometimes easier to tell people.."I am doing fine" and give them a smile even though deep down inside I have never hurt so deeply. I do smile more often now and it is good, but that doesn't mean that I don't think of Larson often or that I somehow have moved on. I have realize that some people are rather uncomfortable with pain, grief and sadness. It is much easier to be around people who are happy and cheerful. Please dont feel uncomfortable by my tears or sadness or pain. It is nothing you sad and nothing you did. Sometime I just don't feel like smiling. I can't say how long I will be sad. I know I will always miss my son and that I never want to forget. We will always be a family of 7. God chose us to have Larson as our son and he will always be that to me. I know that the pain will change, but our family will always have a little piece missing. It is such a comfort to know that Larson is safe with Jesus, but I also know God knows our pain and emptiness.
I do have to say that I am SOOOO grateful for so many family and friends who have walked with my family to patiently through this trial. I have to say thank you again for...
*Listening. Its easy to ask.."how are you?" Its another thing to listen to the answer without feeling like you have to fix it.
*Crying with me. It is such a blessing to have a friend who is willing to cry with me and share their emotions.
*Mentioning Larson's name. I will never get tired of talking about my son. Most have a lifetime to watch their children grow up before their eyes. I had 1 day. Please don't forget him.
*Patience. For understanding that we will not be the same but for loving us for who we are now.
Again thanks for checking this blog. I love all the encouraging comments and emails.
Thank you for being our friends and walking so kindly and gently with us during this difficult season. God has been so good to our family during this time. We continue to lean on Christ for our daily strength and are comforted by his promises that we will one day be reunited with Larson again.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endureance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of OUR faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2


Carlton and Aimee Weathers said...

I appreciate you being so transparent. I think of you often and wish you were closer. Hope you have a wonderful Easter. I know our babies will be rejoicing with Christ.

Laura said...

Love you....all 7 of you!

Sue said...

Thanks for writing your heart in words. Know that here in Tennessee another family is walking the similar the strength of the Lord while sitting on His lap, cradled in His arms and clinging to His truth. Our love sent to you and our prayers raised for you. Hallelujah! He is risen! Through His rising we have risen as well.
Caleb's Ah-ma -- Sue Shaffield

Kenzie Stanfield said...


I just wanted to thank you so much for keeping up with us, just like I am doing with y'all. Also, thank you SO MUCH for supporting us for the March for Babies... we can't express how grateful we are for all of the support and love!

I just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you today as it has been 2 months since you got to first see Larson's face. I know today is wonderful and painful at the same time. With tomorrow being 2 months exactly since both of our boys went to be with the Lord, I can honestly say that I am so happy. I am so happy that I get to celebrate Easter and the resurrection of Christ on a day that would be so difficult! His resurrection means that we get to spend ETERNITY with those little guys. How wonderful!

Thank you again for everything... especially your prayers. Know that you are in mine and will remain for a long time!

Much love and HAPPY EASTER!
Kenzie (Maddox's mommy)

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I am a sister in Christ and I am crying with you. Thank you for sharing your story with me via your blog. You and your family will be in my prayers. God bless you. Betsy Aldrich

boltefamily said...

I have just tonight stumbled onto your blog and I want to thank you for sharing your journey of love. I have my own journey and knowing that others understand makes me feel so much less alone! Thank you for being so honest and genuine! I will be praying for you and your family as you are only a month ahead of me on this road!


Anonymous said...

Larson what a beautiful Name and tears yes I cannot help but share your tears, my prayer today is that the Holy Spirit with bring today comfort as he has everyday I am sure and that the Angels of God would minister to you and the entire family today. Precious are the tears of God's children. Love and Blessings Cindy Cox, Kenosha WI