Tuesday, July 22, 2008

6 months!

So today marks 6 months. 6 months since we held you, touched you, felt you, sang with you, watched you…and the list goes on.

Dear Larson,
I will never forget what this day is to me. Your daddy and I woke up in the morning (if we even slept at all) and kissed your brothers and sister good-bye. We were entering into a day of many unknowns. We told them we would see them in a couple of hours. We had prepared them for the 17 weeks prior that we most likely would not be bringing you home. Although we certainly wished we would, we know your condition was very severe. I had many fears as I walked into the hospital. I new I would be meeting you, but what would you look like. I certainly tried to not get too attached. My reasoning was that I would be able to let you go easier. Well I could not have been more wrong.

You were more then what I could ever imagine. You looked just like your big brother Levi and of course you had all the “O’Brien” traits. Big feet, long fingers, an adorable face, perfect lips and a cute button nose. When your daddy laid you on my chest, the first thing that came to my mind was…”you are so adorable, how am I possibly going to say good-bye and let you go? Could this just be a bad dream after all? Was there mistakes?” While they stitched me up (yes that c-section did give me many hours with you and was worth it!!!) daddy and I just stared at you and prayed with you. The room was incredibly quiet with many people looking on. The staff that took care of us was incredible. Very respectful and loving. After some time we went to recovery where you met your sister and 3 brothers!

Oh did they love you so much. I could tell in Emmas eyes that she just didn’t want you to go. She wanted to watch you grow. They all talk about you every day still! Your siblings stayed for awhile and then we were off to our room for your one and only photo shoot.

Levi and Larson

Landon and Larson

Luke and Larson

Emma and Larson

Daddy and Mommy with you

You did great and so did everyone else. You met your grandparents and the uncle you were named after. Hard to take pictures that would be our only ones!! We certainly wished we could have introduced you to ALL of the people who loved you, prayed for you and thought of you but that just would not work. We new we had limited time and so we had to make decisions that were so very hard. I know everyone understood!

Everyone left and daddy and I sat on the bed for 5 hours with you in our lap, singing to you and listening to music. The room was quiet and the time so sacred. We were holding you until Christ came to carry you home.

Later in the evening your sister and brothers came back. The joy from their laughter was incredible. Wanting to hold you and taking turns so well. We knew we had to get all our time in!! Your aunt was able to meet you and then the night was coming to a close. You were hanging in there, much to everyone’s surprise. You were born with a heart rate in the 30’s and you stayed at 130 although your respiratory was always hard. The night came and before we new it the sun came up. We tried to feed you, but you just would not swallow big guy. You new you wouldn’t need it. Then just as we were ready to give you a little more bottle you looked straight in your daddies eyes and did a little smile (it was amazing!!!!) and quietly closed your eyes.

I know by the look on your face that you were going to a much better place. With tears streaming down our face we let you go….exactly what we knew but could never have been prepared for. Oh I miss you so badly. Sometimes more today then yesterday and yet the Father you are worshipping right now is also taking care of your family down here until I come to see you again.. Words are not enough to say how much we love you and how much you taught us in your short but amazing life. You are our little champ and will be forever missed. Time does heal, but the scare will remain. You are way to special to forget. The lessons we have learned and continue to learn, to scared to move away from. So my sweet Larson…we will continue to press through this journey as Christ as our leader and God the potter. We love you sweet boy.

Romans 8:37: No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This song is even more true today then it was when Larson left us. It was sung at his service and I continue to meditate on the words daily.


Anonymous said...

Oh Dear Larson,
I am so grateful to have been able to meet you. The hour I spent with you I hold dear to my heart and will hold onto that moment until I get to hold you again. I love you and miss you!
xoxo - Auntie

Stacy said...

Corie-The pictures you have posted of Larson, and Larson with all of your children and you and your husband, are so beautiful! He is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing those pictures. He looks so sweet and peaceful. I know how deep the pain runs today....praying that God would carry you throughout the day. Love in Christ,Stacy

Suzie said...

The pictures are so precious. Thank you for sharing them with us. Be gentle with yourself, Corie. I know this path, and it is difficult. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. Little Larson is so precious. As too are all of your children. You have such a beautiful family. You should be so proud.

Constantly thinking of you.

Kenzie said...


Thinking of y'all and praying for you yesterday as I knew it was Larson's 6 month birthday. Continuing in prayer as we all walk this unfamiliar road of grief to see the beauty and restoration on this side as well.

Lots of love!

boltefamily said...

I am sorry I am a day late with this, I was thinking of sweet Larson yesterday, as he is exactly one month older than Asher. I just want you to know I love you and am lifting you up in prayer. You are never alone in this! I am here with you each step of the way.


The Beidle Family said...

Corie, I was thinking about you all day. You are such an amazing mommy. You have loved your precious baby so much...even though you can not hold him. You will never loose those moments you were able to cherish with him. You are a mommy of 5 and Larson is such a beautiful gift...I just wish you were able to have him longer...but the Lord has a perfect plan and I know that is what you are resting in. Continue to press on knowing you will hold him again one day. We will forever remember that sweet boy and we know his life will be used well here on earth. We love you ...thanks for being so true.

Christy said...

Oh he was absolutely a beautiful little boy and I have no doubt you just treasure those pictures and the precious time God gave you with your sweet Larson.