Tuesday, August 5, 2008


Hard to believe that summer is coming to an end. I have to be honest...I am not so ready. I have definitely enjoyed having my children home with me. I find myself staring at them in disbelief that they are growing so fast. This year has obviously taken many unexpected twists and turns. So much for planning my fairy tale life. I really don't think I was planning in that way, but my perspective has definitely changed.

Gone are the days of dreaming about "my perfect life!" I am so very blessed, but a little bit lost now. Really searching and seeking for a relationship with Christ. Before Larson I have to say I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I accepted a religion. I knew I was a sinner in need of a Saviour. I knew I could not stand before a holy God as I was. I knew I needed Christ for the sacrifice He made for me.

But know...I want to know Christ. I want to understand Him. Not just from a book of attributes so I can spout off to everyone that God is good, God is just...etc. etc. I have found myself reading the Bible in a whole different way. Have the words changed? Has God changed? Have I changed? No, No and Yes. I have changed and know I feel a different desire to know my Saviour more then I did before.

I find myself pondering questions like...What are blessings? Are they how many material blessings you have? How many children I have? My health? Yes all of these are blessings. God has given this all to me and I don't deserve it anymore then anyone else. BUT...I have also realized a blessing in the last year that I would have never signed up for. That is the life, birth and death of Larson. I have be blessed with holding a little peace of Heaven before letting him go into the arms of the Father. I have been blessed with a search for who Christ is like I have never searched before. I have been blessed with the strength only God can give to hang on, even when it seems I can't anymore. I have been blessed with faith of a mustard seed, yet I know I have faith.

I was saved 12 years ago, but my walk has changed drastically. I am not the same person. I will never be the same person. I don't want to be the same person. I want to be who God wants me to be and I have no doubt that He would walk me through something so difficult only to come out on the other side unchanged. How disappointed He would be. He promises that we will be changed, we will suffer and yet He promises to be walking right along side me. So, if anyone is waiting for the "old" Corie to come back. Well that is not going to happen. I will not be who I was before October 2nd and I will be continually be molded into the "new" me over time. I wish I could say it would happen quick, but no matter how hard I have tried to speed up the process...God always slows me down.

As always..if you are reading this, thanks for listening to my ramblings. They usually make sense to my mind...but then that doesn't say much!


sumi said...

Your words make perfect sense to me, Corie. I know that laying Jenna at the feet of Jesus has changed me. I marvel at it. In so many ways I am still the same, frail and weak Sumi but in another sense there is something so solid and eternal that is being built into my life. I praise God for it! He truly brings much beauty out of our suffering. I can see that in your life too.

Your latest comment on my blog blessed me so...thank you. :-)


Stacy said...

Corie-What beautiful, inspiring and heart felt words....with God...the new is always better and more beautiful than the old. He is the potter and we are the clay and with this lump of us, he makes us, conforms us and molds us into the most precious vessels. Carry onward and upward...always looking to HIM.

Hope you had a great trip.

In Christ's love-Stacy

Laura said...

So beautiful...you are doing this so well. I love how you are changing...keep resting at his feet!
Love you friend!

boltefamily said...

Thank you for this post. It spoke to my heart as I am changing too. I am praying for you!

The Beidle Family said...

I will take the "old" Corie for the memories I have had to cherish and I will take the "new" Corie to cherish the moments ahead. Thank you so much for being a light unto this world. Thank you for not forgetting what our purpose is here...we are to be molded into His image not our own. You have shown that the potter is at work and that you are willing to be formed to fit His perfect plan. It takes a sweet love for Christ to give "yourself" up..the wants, the dreams, the perfect "fairy tale" to follow Him...the end will be beautiful when you fly to Jesus. He will hold you in His arms just as He is now. Keep pressing on Cor, I know it must be so hard but you are the best mommy and God gave you Larson for this reason.